written yesterday

Maybe you all should know some real things about me, like this is the kind of stuff that I have always avoided posting about. Sometimes I like to listen to slow songs and they make me feel sad about all of the time that I had wasted, when I've done nothing. I walk by beautiful houses and seemingly ignore them, I walk past tall trees and don't stop and I stick my hands out of the sunroof on my car and don't think of it. I pass by so many people and I miss potential conversations, I care way too much about what people think about me. Everything in my life is so unfinished, I don't bring my camera anywhere anymore, and I'm stressed, always. This should be personal, and it is, but I need someone to know. Anyone can read this, literally, anyone, and I'm horrible at sharing feelings in person so I'm sending them out in text.

I think about travelling to seattle a lot. I even decided for a whole week that I was going to the university of washington. My best friend doesn't agree with me, but going there is a dream of mine and for some reason I can't find a credible reason to back that up. I love my best friend. She is beautiful, and a wonderful person, and a lot of times I get really jealous of her and it comes out in anger; but I don't mean it. She's better at taking pictures than me. And sometimes she's really annoying, but I honestly love her so much.

Part of me is just a typical teenage girl, and sometimes I hate it. I go to starbucks and buy overpriced coffee and wear yoga pants and do a lot of normal stuff. I have a lot of irrational dreams, like I want to travel the world and live in this awesome house and I sometimes think that true love is real and I've never kissed anyone and that makes me sad, so then I listen to sad songs again and it's just pitiful. But, on the bright side, I absolutely love music, and I can listen to it all day, and piano music really calms me. Actually, pianos just mystify me, just the fact that they can create so many different feels with a bunch of keys; I think that kind of music is beautiful.

My favorite place to go is to my memaw's house. I know some people don't like going to their grandparents' houses, but look, my memaw is totally awesome, and I won't deny it. I love to see my aunt and pick blackberries and watch my memaw and my sisters make blackberry pie and applesauce. And I can't decide if I like the country or the city better; I change my mind a lot.

I stay up way too late. Let's see, it's 1:41 a.m. right now, so.. I just get so much more inspiration at night. I have this really annoying cowlick in my hair that never goes away, and it's really bothersome. I should really spend less time worrying and more time doing. I would love to meet more people, to have more conversations, but I'm not very good at that kind of stuff. I'm really vulnerable and I trust people too much, but I believe that most people are good. Sometimes I think that I can tell someone's morality by the way they look at me. I'm really good at reading body language, and I absolutely hate arguments. I'm not much of a risk-taker, but I do believe in living. I believe that people should do what makes them happy, and never sacrifice it because of embarrassment, because that's only temporary. I like happiness and happy people, but I understand that it's not always there. Sometimes there has to be some sadness in order for there to be more happiness.

I dream a whole lot. About the future, mostly, I play out scenarios in my head of the things that I want to say to people, but I never end up saying it. I regret that. I'm odd, and I like to take my camera places and I really would love to go away alone for one day and capture the expressions on different people's faces. I think that photography is extraordinary, in every way. It's my passion, even if it's not the best. So, I guess this is why I'm here. I've thought forever that a blog should be a place for rawness and heart, for the blurry photos and the random conversations and feels of the day, and I don't know what in the world has been holding me back from this.



  1. oh, darling. your heart is so beautiful, and i'm so glad you had enough courage to share it. i firmly believe that all the little details make a person. the little details are so important, because sometimes they tell the stories that the person is too afraid to say.
    xxx. -marcia