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3.24.2014

Sometimes I overthink things. Most of the time, actually. And that's not always good. I'm also terrible at making decisions, and it would serve me well to be more confident in myself. I love music. It's everywhere, and I love listening to it. It helps me think, I guess it's like an escape. I also really love my friends. All of them: my best friends, the acquaintances and the guys at work right down to the ones who smile at me in the hallway. People confuse me, they're puzzling. And sometimes I talk about people and I say things that I wouldn't say to them in person, and I'm sorry for those words. Lately, I've been thinking that I should dive in deep into the things that I'm passionate about. Just watching and listening, I honestly think that if something is super important, it's worth all of the embarrassment and the mess-ups and the fear, because if you can make it through those parts, then the reward is immense.
Just some confessions lately.
 
 
We went to my grandmother's house two weekends ago. She made pie and I ate way too much of it, but hey, that's what pie is for. My mom, Alex, Andie and I walked around the track at the highschool and I wore converse, they wore tennis shoes. All of us sat on the back porch and I talked with Mr. Stan about college (while not agreeing with him about most of it; I tend to be more independent on that subject). We drove an hour to Tyler, and I thought about my aunt and how close we were to her house and how badly I wanted to see her, then we bought oreo shakes from chikfila on the way back.
 
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Sometimes I feel that I lack sincerity on the outside. Honestly, though, I'm probably one of the most sincere, emotional people that you will ever meet, if any of you ever get the chance to meet me, but it's on the inside. The thing is, I can make a wonderful first impression, on the inside. However, I want to feel everything fully and wholly, throughout my whole entire being, inside and out, and I'm striving to bring my emotions to the outside. I want to have a fully developed character, to bring and share my deepest thoughts with others, and become a person with multiple dimensions.
There is absolutely no reason to hold myself back.
 
-ryan

3 comments:

  1. Overthinking is fine. It's better than not thinking at all. People are very strange. They are people. Keep working towards that goal of sincerity. I mean that. The worlds needs more honestly sincere people.

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  2. "Lately, I've been thinking that I should dive in deep into the things that I'm passionate about. Just watching and listening, I honestly think that if something is super important, it's worth all of the embarrassment and the mess-ups and the fear, because if you can make it through those parts, then the reward is immense" That is so perfect. Couldn't have said it better myself. It's so true. I tend to over think a lot too, and definitely would like to have more confidence in myself. It's a journey for sure, but a blessed one. I just love the way you communicated this train of thought, it's so accurate and you're a really good writer

    Cheers,
    Kate

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