My first summer adventure took place the day after school let out. I woke up early last friday morning and drove myself two and a half hours away to whitehouse, texas and spent the weekend with my favorite aunt lisa, uncle patty, memaw and pawpaw. I sang my heart out on the way there and back and kept the car windows down as long as I could without wind flooding my ears. Lisa and Patty picked plums from the plum tree while Memaw picked blackberries. Lisa and I saw TFIOS and I cried my eyes out, but I think I needed it. The smell of their house still lingers in my car and I breathe in deep when I drive, keeping it with me.
I've been absent, and my only explanation for this is partly my end-of-junior-year stress accompanied with the fact that summer has just started and there is so much potential for really good things to happen. I'm a senior now, but I prefer to hold that part of my life off until the beginning of the next school year. I've also made a list of things to do this summer, which includes things such as reading the entire harry potter series, reading a book in spanish and also reading the books that have been assigned to me for the summer. So I'll paraphrase that to 'read as many books as you can.' Firstly, I plan to spend my summer waking up early every morning and actually making use of my time. I've been thinking about college, and about being a journalist and moving to colorado and it's hard because I'm at this point in my life where not everyone agrees with me. I think about beautiful mountain views and meeting new people and the bitter cold and it all sounds amazing. Also, I've been so inspired to make things and to read books and take pictures all at the same time and it's honestly overwhelming, including the fact that no one in my family seems to understand how it feels to be overly inspired.
Sometimes I ask myself, what do you want to do? Such a great and terrible question, because I can do anything in the world. I can travel anywhere, I can take up any occupation, and then I stop myself and think "but it's not that easy." This is the point where I've stopped for so many years, it reminds me of last week when it was raining, and I decided to not hate the rain any longer; in one split-second, I changed my way of thinking. And the real, honest truth is that it's not easy to follow what I want. And what do I want? I want to find happiness in doing something that I love. I want to travel far away, but that doesn't mean that I won't come back. I want to feel something in what I do. When I think of things that I want, I think of a wall of polaroids and pages filled with meaningless and meaningful words and quotes on bulletin boards and beautiful window views; I think of good music and good people and morning coffee. Whatever occupation I end up going for, I'm looking for those things and the feelings that come along with them. Most of all, I want an adventure. For the most part, I'm pretty organized, and I could use something unknown in my life, something unsafe. I could use an adventure, or a few, and that's what I'm hoping for this summer. All while scribbling into my journal and taking clear + blurry pictures and laughing with my family and my favorite people.

1 comment:

  1. Ugh, still haven't watched TFiOS. XP

    Oh my gosh, you're almost done with high school...That's ah-mazing...

    I hope that once you decide what you want to do, you'll love it.